Monday, May 26, 2008

Memorial Day

A Salute to all those men and heroes who I served in the military with, I remember you all. Most of all I want you guys that never made it home to remember that you are still alive in my memories and the memories of your loved ones. May God Bless America.

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Feet of Clay.

I lie here shaking in the desert night unable to walk, unable to carry, unable to fight.
Brought low by the battle, torn asunder by betrayal of my trusted charge.
It was not my battle chosen a beginning plea to defend; we fought for your freedom we fought for your soul I pledged to stay with until the very end.

As the battles raged and your enemies cut deep did I not carry you? Did I abandon you? Did I not weep?

My thoughts turn over the memories of mingling spirits and horrors of the past,
Horrors pulled from their putrid cave, laid bare, exposed and finally put to rest.
I remember the Golem’s mute cry as he pondered his retreat,
Watched as your truth ground his tactics under and led to his defeat.

As your memories were left burning both on earth and heaven’s gate did I not care for you? Did I not understand? Did I not weep?

Left by every war is the carnage of its wake a dispelled quiet spirit and the acceptance of one’s fate.
Though the battle so hard fought now over the war still not won,
With allies called and breastworks built a plan was carefully spun,

Through the choking mists of memories and phantom smells of Golem’s hand
With your past awash and fading did I not take your hand?
Did I not shout to proclaim your victory and praise your tremendous stand?

Four towers built for defense, four towers built for one.
A castle for your refuge for the healing of your pain,
A plan to make you strong again to lay your future in you hands.

Warriors in battle share a common theme or thread, the melding of their minds and sprits a sharing of their dread.
Because they fight together and never fight as one,
Each exposes to the other their weakness and their frailty their very core exposed,
Each hands onto the other the fabric of their soul.

I hoped to share your victory and see the conflict to the end but to another’s allegiance you committed to another’s counsel sought to another let defend.

May you win your future battles and ultimately the war. May you realize all your dreams and all the joy life has in store,

You shouldn’t judge so harshly please listen one last time, We tend to judge ourselves by the standard set for others instead of being kind.

I lie here crippled now watching as your army passes by,
Accepting that I can not follow you on these twisted stumps of mine,
You have chose another captain to fight for you this day,
I your former champion dispatched and unforgiven because of my Feet of Clay.


“Feet of Clay” is a figure of speech from the Bible (Daniel 2:33-45) used to indicate a weakness or a hidden flaw in the character of a greatly admired or respected person:

What about Ray.

A gentle soul entered our life a couple of weeks ago, his name is Ray.
Raymond has Asperger syndrome a form of Autism but a less severe form than what people are typically familiar with.

In Ray’s case he is able to keep up with his peer group educationally but has some difficulty interacting socially and his motor skills are just a little slow.

The big plus in Ray’s condition though is that he is aware of others, their responses and emotions and how his actions affect others. In Ray’s awareness his inner being is easily displayed when his attention is grasped and a connection is made.

Ray can not make eye contact with another person without a huge smile appearing on his face letting one know that he simply likes the fact that you are there. He would rather give a hug than shake a hand or wave good-bye and will maintain his hug until he senses the other person begin to withdraw. As with many of Ray’s peers he is explicitly simple in his motives, actions and reactions toward others and completely devoid of envy, malice or anger.

Ray has only been with us for a week but has already stolen our hearts. He is an example of the reason we decided to foster children and I already know he is a permanent member of our family and our lives.

Welcome home Ray.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Going to the Drive-In tonight!

It is our right of spring, our acknowledgement that warm weather is finally here and one of our families most dependable maker of memories, going to the Drive-in.

This spring we have six young ones between the ages of four and ten evenly split three and three in gender and who have never been to the Drive-in.

The wife and I will have the privilege tonight of watching the children in our care experience all the Drive-in has to offer such as the swing sets and playground equipment at the foot of the screen, the waiting between shows watching the longest minute count-down in anyone can remember and the unique warmth of a blanket cocooned around the body as one watches the drama on the giant screen.

Tonight we will be seeing Iron Man... (Hugely Exciting) what the other movie is none us know and won't really care until it is time to either enjoy it or fall asleep trying.

It'll be the best, it'll be family, it'll be our right of spring.

Down a spring time country road..

It is a bright sunny spring morning wet with the cool morning dew and the sounds of the territorial chirping of the red winged black birds and robins as they stake their claim to their little piece of the world. These are the mornings that I most enjoy the drive into town from home and the ones that evoke the most memories of the past, ruminations of the present and plans for the future. These are the mornings it is so good to be alive.

Lately I have caught myself thinking of what could have been and why things sometimes just don't turn out the way you wish that they had. On mornings like this I am still surprised to find myself considering how much the little pleasures of the moment would be appreciated by a loved one and then abruptly realize again that she is no longer with us. At that moment of realized reality the emotions flow and cascade with all the force of Niagara and then end in the shattered mists of memories and what ifs.

It is mornings like these that renew the spirit and heal the soul with its bright sunshine, lush flora and forever striving fauna.

It is on mornings like these that I realize that I am beginning to heal, beginning to forgive and beginning to move on knowing that the person we knew will always be in our memories just as we loved her.

Though my sense of loss is so profoundly deep and grief is still my tormentor it is on morinings like these that allow the snip-its of color of all that once was and all that can be seep back into my concious mind and soothe my pain.

It is on morinings like these that I inventory my life and the love that is still around me and realize that life goes on, life renews and that joy will survive.

Monday, May 5, 2008

Annnd they're off!

We had a close call this morning. Apparently after retrieving a couple of logs from the horse pasture for a campfire last night I failed to latch the gate properly. This morning our neighbor from in back and then police dispatch contacted us to inform us that our horses were loose and on the run.

My wife was in a panic, rousting me out of my morning shower announcing that things were amiss and peppering me with a staccato of instructions on what I needed to do to correct things.

I dressed as quickly as possible and met my daughter Candy at the back door as Patty updated us on the last known location of the equine runaways as somewhere near the neighbor’s lane.

We hopped into the car and as we began speeding toward the neighbor’s lane we were surprised to see our two horses in calm repose in the middle of the neighbor’s front yard not more than twenty feet from the road.

I easily placed a lead rope onto my horse while not even bothering with Gypsy as she began evasive maneuvers almost immediately. I, who am smarter than the average horse figured that Gypsy would follow where ever I led Apache. I learned that I was in fact correct proving my previous point by walking Apache to the pasture with Gypsy willingly following.

I thought everything was pretty well resolved and pleased that there were no complications until surveyed the damage in the barn from the goats that had been turned loose. They tipped everything they could looking for food and ended up eating half a container of horse grains. Then I attempted to adjust the pasture gate by standing on it and breaking the gate post on the hinge side. I guess I haven’t lost as much weight as I thought…

Memories are the only true items of value you take with you through life.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

And so we begin again.

I just got off the telephone with Patty checking in and making sure she is doing okay. We picked up a sibling group of four two girls and two boys. We now have a household of nine that includes myself, Patty, my daughter Candy, our long term placement eighteen year old S, our seven year old with a personality disorder and the four new children.

Yesterday was packed to the gills with Patty running around from work picking up the new placements and Candy and I having to unpack S's furniture at storage center and then get the seven year old 'M' to school for an hour. ('M' is in home bound schooling due to her condition)

We found out after picking up the children that the two boys are diagnosed with full blown ADHD and were instrumental in shortening their last placement to only four days. We took them straight to the doctor, obtained scripts for their meds and then home.

Today Patty has let me know that the oldest boy has stolen eggs from a chicken and thrown them in the road, tried to poke the other children from under the trampoline while they were jumping and just recently pointed at the old dog until bitten.

I am currently at a part-time job and can't get home to relieve Patty who assures me all is under control but makes a point of telling me not to mosey when it is time to come home.

Patty and I have noticed though that the house is alive again though a little chaotic right now. We love it.