Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Marching in time.

It was a brisk late summer morning this morning. The cool 48 degree air wafted past my face and ears whispering of the coming winter as I walked to the barn to feed the horses and livestock.

It is this morning time that I usually use to organize my mind for the day and sort of allow my self to emotionally gage just where I am.

I’ve had some conflicts of mind lately while contemplating the demands of the present, the losses of the past and the uncertain future within my personal involvements. My youngest son will be moving out of town soon which will ultimately leave me without the interaction between us I have become accustomed too and brought on the latest emotional malaise.

I miss the relationships I had with my children whether they be natural, step or adopted. I miss the Williamson children terribly and worry about their future while knowing that I am powerless to improve it.

I realize that within all these conflicts runs the thread of natural change within a lifetime and concede to the inevitable while cautiously still peering forward to what might be.

I guess the most prominent thing I am sensing is the immediate lack of a young adult or adults to share with and teach. Is this empty nest syndrome?

Until recently I have always had an awakening mind nearby eager to explore new experiences and share the joy while searching for advice or counsel. I guess I became accustomed to vicariously reliving the discovery days of young adulthood through those young people who came my way by family or life’s events.

I always assumed that I would have my family around me no matter the situation and always be secure in a vision of the future with those I know being there as they had been in the past. It is a little disquieting when contemplating not having a young adult near whom you can attach or share dreams and hopes for their future and enjoy the experience of observing their discoveries within life.

I have plenty to keep me busy for at least the next couple of months and hopefully occupied.

I still have the pasture to divide up for the horses, Llamas and Emus.

I have horse stalls to build onto the back and sides of the barn.

Patty and I will be heading down to Vanderbilt University Hospital soon with a side stop on the way home to attend her best friend’s son’s wedding and I am contemplating an idea for a Halloween treasure hunt this year but still unsure as to the effort.

I guess this upcoming span of time through the holidays will be a time of transitions. Though the unknown future is standing there stark devoid and grey, it is also what every adventure is rooted in, Discovery, I’ll settle for that…